Ed Nygma v The Jersey Devil P1

Ed Nygma V.S. The Jersey Devil
Written by Joe San Agustin with ideas from Abanoub Said

(Fade In. Kent's front door opens. Kent, Ben, and Gail's little sister Ren walks in.)

Ren: I'm home.
Kent: That's a first.
Ren: What do you mean?
Ben: You're never home.
Ren: I have friends unlike you two.
Kent: Shut up.
Ben: In any case, Gail's home too, which would also be a first.
Ren: I've been at the dinner table here a lot of times.
Kent: Yeah, Ben, you were about to say something smart but it ended up stupid.
Ben: Really, when was the last time she was having dinner with us?
Ren: Last night!
Ben: Whatever.

(Gail walks in from downstairs.)

Gail: Oh hello.
Ren: Hi.
Ben: Gail, is Ren never here?
Gail: No, she's usually here.
Kent: HA!
Ben: Shut up Kent.
Kent: Hey, I was making a point.
Gail: Shut UP Kent.
Kent: Whatever.
Ren: SHUT UP KENT!
Kent: Well then.

(Ben tackles him as the phone rings. Gail leaves to her room and Ren answers the phone. Kent and Ben wrestle while she's talking.)

Ren: Hello? Yeah, he's here. KENT!
Kent: WHAT?
Ren: Phone for you.

(He kicks Ben and answers the phone.)

Kent: Hello?
Ed: Dude, you gotta come over here.
Kent: Dude, my parents are at work, I can't go out of the house.
Ed: Just come over here, it's urgent. Mario and Reed are already here.
Kent: Well how am I gonna get there? Gail doesn't want me on her skateboard and I don't own a bike.
Ed: Run or walk.
Kent: What if I don't want to? It takes too much energy.
Ed: Just come on!
Kent: Fine!

(He hangs up and puts his hoodie on.)

Kent: Don't tell mom.

(He leaves.)

Ben: Have you noticed that Gail's been acting weirder than usual lately?
Ren: What do you mean?
Ben: She's the vegetarian in our family but last night, she was eating meat with the rest of us.
Ren: Maybe she changed her mind.
Ben: Highly unlikely, she's also been allowing me on her skateboard. Don't tell Kent.
Ren: Did you just use big words?
Ben: Stop changing the subject. Anyways, I think we should ask her what's wrong.
Ren: Whatever.

(Fade to: The road. Kent is running to Ed's house.)

Kent: Oh wait, duh! To Ed's house!

(Cool transition to: Ed's house. Ed is waiting for Kent.)

Ed: Come on, you have to see this!
Kent: Hi?

(Inside, Mario and Reed wait on the couch. Ed pulls Kent inside.)

Kent: You're more serious than you usually are.
Reed: There you are.
Mario: What took ya?
Ed: He's slow.
Kent: Why are you all more serious than I am at school?
Mario: You know that camera I got for my birthday?
Kent: You got a camera for your birthday?
Mario: Well, you would have known sooner if you were on our bus more often!
Kent: I moved!
Reed: Just show him.
Kent: Show me what?
Ed: Mario was out camping over the weekend and he thinks he saw the Jersey Devil. He got it on camera and showed the footage to us.
Reed: It seemed so real. After we saw it, we believed too.
Kent: You guys are just like Carly Shay and Bigfoot.
Reed: That episode of iCarly?
Ed: Probably.
Mario: Just look.

(He shows Kent the footage of the alleged "Jersey Devil" rushing past the campfire and extinguishing the fire.)

Kent: Dude, how did you get to the Pine Barrens and back?
Mario: I left on friday and came back on sunday.
Reed: Kent, act serious.
Kent: Right. This weekend we're going to the Pine Barrens!
Mario: Luckily it's Presidents' Day weekend.


(The intro plays. It plays like the Psych intro.)
(Fade in to: The kitchen. Kent looks for a snack while Gail, Ben, and Ren are talking.)

Kent: Where's the Vienna Sausage?
Ben: Gail ate it.
Kent: I thought you were vegetarian.
Gail: Shut up.

(Ben starts eating a salad.)

Ren: You know that has vegetables in it.
Ben: I'm only eating it for the croutons.
Ren: I couldn't find the croutons.

(He spits it out. Ren starts eating her salad and chomps it in front of Gail,)

Gail: Leaf licker!
Ren: Carnivorous vegetarian!
Gail: MOIST LEAFER!
Ren: ADOPTED!
Gail: KENT!
Kent: Quiet adopted!
Ren: Your parents left you when Kent was born. You were already named because you were older and that's why your name doesn't rhyme!
Gail: What do you mean?
Ben: Ren, Ben, Kent. They all rhyme. Gail doesn't.
Gail: Yeah but my two middle names rhyme.
Ren: True.
Kent: You have two middle names?
Gail: Gail Gwenyth Jen Manaoag.
Ren: Lauren Maria Ava Manaoag.
Ben: Benjamin Jorge Theodore Manaoag.
Kent: Kent Logan Manaoag.

(Their dog, Krypto walks in.)

Kent: And Krypto Dukey Snoopy Chewbacca Ubiquitarianism Manaoag.
Gail: Why did we just say our full names?
Kent: For our biographies on the website.
Ben: And why did we parody Charles in Charge?
Kent: Because it's an awesome show.
Ren: And why are you eating meat Gail?
Gail: I lost a bet.
Ben: With who?
Gail: Mitch Howard, Mitch DeRita, and Brian. I bet that I wouldn't say "Shut up" to someone for a whole week, and if I did, I would have to eat meat for a whole week.
Ren: Who made you crack?
Ben: I know I know! Me!
Gail: Yeah, he wouldn't shut up while I was meditating in the living room and Howard was over the house.

(The phone rings and Gail answers.)

Gail: Oh hello. Sure I'll be over soon. Bye. That was Bebe, she needs help with finding her phone.
Ben: Bye.
Kent: Tell her I said hi.
Gail: No.

(She leaves. Fade to: Lunch. Everyone is at their lockers. Kent runs up to Bebe.)

Kent: I just ran across the whole school for your phone.
Bebe: Did you find it?
Kent: No. Why do you have me doing this again?
Bebe: You're a faster runner.
Kent: I think I'm asthmatic.
Bebe: You're asthmatic, narcoleptic, diagnosed with DUMBASS, what's wrong with you?
Kent: You left out I have a scar ony chest.
Bebe: You have a what?
Kent: Nevermind. Anyways, I'm so exhausted from running, anything can knock me out of even kill me.
Bebe: Don't exagerate.

(Ed runs up.)

Ed: Dude, hurry up. We're gonna be late for lunch.
Kent: Alright.

(He turns his head and gets decked in the face and drops his books and falls into Bebe's arms.)

Ed: KENT!
Jenkins: Yeah? Oh. What happened?
Bebe: Someone decked him in the face.
Jenkins: Who?
Ed: I don't know. Kent probably knew.

(Ed checks Kent's pulse.)

Ed: He's unconcious. Bebe, call 911.
Bebe: I can't find my phone!
Jenkins: I called.
Ed's Inner Monologue: Somehow, I think this will affect me.

(Fade out.)